Acceptance

The word context is probably the most important word in the transformation arena. It is no ordinary word. It has the power to transform our lives for the better or for the worse. Whether we know it or not we are always operating from within a context at any given moment. Contexts run our lives without us being aware of them. We also rarely think about what context is running in the background. But we can do the reverse. We can create contexts to live from. We can choose the contexts from where we want to live and not allow any context to enter our lives and take us over. We need to keep looking for better and better contexts to live from. Otherwise, there is every danger that we will be stuck with contexts that operate from very low levels. For this, we need to examine the lives of great people and see where they are coming from. When we constantly live from a context it strengthens itself. Let us examine the most powerful context to live from.

Acceptance

Of all contexts, acceptance is probably the single most powerful context from where to live. It empowers every other context. All journeys, whether spiritual or social or personal, culminate here. It is the final destination. Acceptance is not just in the knowledge domain but is the highest wisdom when integrated into life. It is also the source of compassionate action. Acceptance is the context without which happiness and contentment cannot flower. It is the basis for peace and harmony. Without it, forgiveness would not be possible. But it is a much-misunderstood and underutilized word. It is commonly used as a problem-fixing tool. We use it only as a means to solve immediate life problems. If we don’t like someone we have to deal with we try to ‘accept’ them to avoid confrontation so that things go smoothly. When we are caught in an unending traffic jam we use acceptance to reduce our irritation. There is nothing wrong with all of this. But when our relationship to acceptance is only as a troubleshooting mechanism we are not utilizing its vast potential. It is like using a huge crane to lift a pin. But when one lives from within the context of acceptance it then begins to emanate as a living experience. We allow acceptance to take over our lives. We live it and it lives us. It is a way of being, a way of life, a space one comes from, and not just a means to an end, a quick fix. But acceptance cannot be thrust upon oneself. It is born out of an understanding that all things in life are fundamentally acceptable for there is meaning and purpose in everything that happens. You don’t come from acceptance because you have to or because someone said it is the most logical thing to do but because you realize deeply that living from a context of non-acceptance is to be at constant war with life itself which is unwinnable.

Just as acceptance can be liberating it can also be a suffocating noose around our necks if improperly understood. Acceptance is always of what is happening at any given moment and not of generalizations and conceptualizations. You are accepting the reality of the present and not some conclusion. You don’t accept an idea such as ‘I am poor’ but you accept the fact that you don’t have enough money in your pocket right now. You don’t accept ‘this is my fate’. You accept the event that has shaken you up. You don’t accept ‘I am not intelligent or not capable’. Instead, you accept your lack of skills required for the present task and the need to develop those skills. Acceptance of the reality of the present releases energy to do something about it. Acceptance of the generalization blocks energy and drags us into an unreal world which then becomes a new but debilitating context where we begin to live from. This leads to passive acceptance which is a kind of fatalism that is born out of helplessness and despair. Active acceptance is born out of a strength that comes from understanding the inevitability of the moment. Passive acceptance depletes energy and continuously pulls us down. Active acceptance conserves energy and is a source of strength. Acceptance therefore does not mean inaction. It means not resisting what is so that action can be more effective. When we come from the context of ‘should not be’ or ‘should not have happened’ we are coming from a state of non-acceptance and the the power of our action will be weaker.

The first and foremost thing to understand and accept is the design of life itself. This is where we need to begin if we want to shape a mind that is a crucible for acceptance. We have to resolve acceptance at the macro level before it filters down to the micro nitty gritty of daily life. We need to create an accepting mind and not merely a mind that uses acceptance now and then. This is a formidable challenge since we have an intelligence that keeps telling us that it would have designed a better world and keeps throwing uncomfortable questions at us as to why the world has been designed so badly. We are living in an unpredictable, insecure, and uncertain world that keeps throwing one challenge after another at us unendingly whereas our intelligence is capable of projecting a utopian world of security and certainty. The world we live in does not match this utopia. This mismatch causes non-acceptance of the design of life and what happens in it. We feel that we could have designed a better universe, a more just universe, a less cruel universe with fewer unpleasant surprises. When a calamity takes place in our lives which shatters us the agonizing question that appears is — why is life like this? The greater the depth from where this question manifests the greater is the pain and reveals the intensity of non-acceptance of the very design of life.

This universe of ours does not have a blueprint. There is nobody up there in the sky sitting with a plan. Animals don’t plan. They cannot conceive of a world different from the one they are experiencing. Only we have the faculty of planning since we have the notion of time. We can therefore create blueprints of a wonderful future that is far better than the one we are experiencing. With this we have been given the power to hasten evolution. But life evolves spontaneously based on the demands of the moment, not of the future or the past. That is its design. It is estimated that ninety-five percent of all species that ever existed have perished. All it takes is one meteor or even one tiny virus to destroy forever everything that life has achieved so far. The basis of this process is survival, trial and error, gradual change, destruction, and reconstruction. From the high pedestal of our superior intelligence, we conceive this kind of universe as not perfect and unacceptable. The same is the case with us. We are not able to accept ourselves because our imperfections stick out like a sore thumb. We want perfection before we accept ourselves and others. But that is never going to happen because our minds will keep projecting a more perfect state all the time. Our pride does not allow us to accept ourselves as we are now but want a different and improved version of ourselves. The day we are rich, beautiful, intelligent, talented, wise, witty, and famous we will accept ourselves. That is why we love our heroes and celebrities. They project the myth of perfection. Acknowledging and accepting our limitations is the beginning of humility and the way to true freedom. Our bondage is that we have not given ourselves the choice and freedom to accept ourselves with all our limitations and conflicts.

This ability to project is both a blessing and a curse. Without it, we will not know the road to paradise. With it, we are unable to accept ourselves as we are and the universe as it is. We are waiting for utopia. When we come from an understanding that we will always be living in an evolving universe we accept our current state but realize that we also have an option to grow if we choose to. Evolution is too slow for us. We are a people in a hurry racing towards perfection. We have been given a half-finished house by existence and told to build the rest ourselves. The acceptance of this challenge is the beginning of a harmonious relationship with life. We are then no longer at war with life’s vagaries or with our own imperfections. We have been given the job of evolution now and have also been endowed with an intelligence that is potentially capable of rising to the challenge. The keys to the kingdom have been handed over to us. It is a gift we cannot refuse. We are in charge. There is no one to blame anymore, neither an invisible creator nor destiny. There is no more passing the buck. Henceforth everything is our responsibility. With total acceptance of life comes total responsibility for life.

Acceptance therefore does not mean that we are condemned to live with the shortcomings for the rest of our lives and not do anything about it. All it means is that we acknowledge the existence of the shortcomings and not push them under the carpet and avoid them. It means that there is no self-denial but a willingness to admit its presence. Our shortcomings are always going to be staring us in the face as life will constantly keep throwing situations at us that will reveal those aspects of ourselves that need to be worked upon. Acceptance also does not mean we accept anything and everything in life. There are certain things in life that have to remain unacceptable. Examples are war, caste, injustice, corruption, human trafficking, lack of integrity, poverty, lethargy, and things like that. Unless we make these unacceptable we will never eradicate them. At one time in our history slavery, the burning of witches and human sacrifice were acceptable. Today it is no longer acceptable. Unfortunately, war is still acceptable. Soldiers are glorified, brilliant scientists work on deadly weapons and there is a class of people who enjoy war. But we need to bring in a different kind of acceptance here. Acceptance in this sense means we accept the existence of all of the above unacceptable things as part of the design of life, as part of the unfinished house, but use our intelligence to overcome them. To say that such things should not have existed at all is the beginning of resistance to life itself. The language of nonacceptance is ‘this should not be so’.

But ultimately what is acceptance at the deepest level, at the level of consciousness? It is not about looking for things to accept but to create a state of mind that is prepared to accept life in its totality with all its angels and its demons. Our major issue is the acceptance of people whose states of mind and resultant behavior range from the devilish to the sublime. And all those states exist in us. Acceptance is therefore the ability to incorporate as wide a range as possible of mindstates in our consciousness. Total acceptance means that our consciousness is large enough and strong enough to accommodate all states of mind and all possible circumstances of life and all kinds of people, which essentially means any thought, any feeling, any emotion. How long are we going to be scared of thoughts and be rattled by emotions? When are we going to awaken to the fact that we are something superior to a thought? Acceptance is giving ourselves the freedom to experience all possible states of our soul. Acceptance of fear is allowing oneself the freedom to experience fear without being ashamed of it. Only when we accept fear we will begin to be familiar with the experience and ultimately be free of it. Freedom from fear does not mean not having any more fear. It only means we are free to experience fear. Only when we have the freedom to be unhappy will we have to freedom to be happy. Otherwise, it will be out of compulsion, a new kind of bondage. Acceptance then becomes a gateway to freedom. For this to happen we need to examine our relationship to thoughts and feelings. When we are only preoccupied with resisting unpleasant thoughts and feelings we will forever have a relationship of avoidance with them. They will continue to shake us up for the rest of our lives. Resistance blocks the flow of energy through consciousness. Through acceptance we allow consciousness to be a corridor for all states to pass through, but encourage and act on only those which we choose to. The greatest freedom we can ever have is the freedom to experience life as it is at any given moment without the need for it to be different. All of us have a deep inner need to be accepted. The awakening to acceptance is the beginning of a process to fulfill this need.